I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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