chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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