I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
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Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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