If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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