Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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