You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
