Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
