no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
