I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
