He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?