I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.