omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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