it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
