He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
