The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I had to cum in my sink.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
