So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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