At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
