I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
