i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
