there was a trapeze. enough said
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
