When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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