Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
