Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
