if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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