On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
soo... how was my night?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
