I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
