I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
