My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
