I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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