I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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