I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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