Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
