you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize