Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
how drunk are you?
Several
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
