my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
