I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think my vagina is haunted
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
