I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
