So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
