this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize