buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Someone came in the potted fern
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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