i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
