So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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