Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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