I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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