I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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