My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
