It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
time to smoke my breakfast
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
