She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
