apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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