I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
