Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
