Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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