so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
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