Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
