Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
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something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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