so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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