Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Operation Purity has been aborted
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
