did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
