For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
