I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
