Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
