he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
