You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
