hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
