If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
