Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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