i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
