If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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