Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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