Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
