So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
