I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
