Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
