I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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