the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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