I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
