I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
