Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
