no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
