Michael Bay diarrhea
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
