Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
