Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
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