I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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