I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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