Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!