No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
