So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
