SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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