it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
They left me at home... I'm a liability
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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