I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
