So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
