I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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